Why I’m Mad Today: Street Harassment
Women are often shamed for expressing their anger while men are praised for doing so. Angry men are often seen as “passionate” or “determined” whereas women are labeled as “hysterical,” or “emotional.” Thus, I’m going to start writing about my anger to hopefully inspire women to voice their rage unapologetically, after all.
“Your anger is a gift you give to yourself and the world that is yours. In anger, I have lived more fully, freely, intensely, sensitively, and politically. If ever there was a time not to silence yourself, to channel your anger into healthy places and choices, this is it.”
Soraya Chemaly
Today, I'm really pissed off about street harassment. I took my dogs for a walk the other day and got catcalled twice. Let me explain why this makes me so angry. The first man whistled at me as he sped down the busiest street on my usual route. His whistle, though brief, pierced my ears and felt louder than any of the surrounding traffic. My heart pounded, and I was immediately consumed with rage. Who does this random man think he is? Oooooh, I was so mad. It's not a compliment. It's about establishing dominance and control, simple as that. There's nothing normal or acceptable about objectifying and sexualizing people on the street. I felt as angry as one of those cartoon characters when their entire body turns red and smoke bursts out of their ears. It took an insane amount of self-control not to smash my phone on the ground at that moment. I kept walking and tried to power through - which I did… until I didn't. I sat on a random curb and started sobbing, and I didn't stop for what felt like forever (it was probably 4 minutes tops lol).
I felt so defeated that I almost cut the walk short and went back home. Luckily, I decided I wouldn’t let that man stop my dogs and I from getting our steps in. I continued, but my heart raced with every car that passed, fearing that I'd be objectified and sexualized again. How is that fair? This is such a common occurrence for every woman. Why isn't this talked about more? I'm angry, and my rage is warranted for many reasons. To say I'm overwhelmingly livid would be an understatement. There are no words to properly describe my anger.
This story isn't completely dark and gloomy because Beyonce came through with her new album and got me out of my funk for the latter half of my walk. I stopped dwelling on each vehicle and person I passed and found relief in the catchy beats of "CUFF IT." My dogs, exhausted, walked with a pep in their step as home was now just a block away.
Being just a few steps from home, I had my guard down and wasn't on high alert like I usually am. Suddenly, a car stopped next to me, and the driver rolled down his window. He started whistling, initially looking at me, then turning his attention to my dogs a few steps ahead. I already had one negative encounter with whistling on this walk, so I was fed the hell up and immediately returned to defense mode. I want you to imagine how pissed I was, then multiply that by 100; that's where I was. I turned towards this man and screamed, "WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" He responded softly as if he wasn't sure what to make of my reaction, "I like your dogs." I kept walking before our interaction continued, and he drove off without hesitation. To be honest, this man could have just thought my dogs were cute - but that doesn't really matter and my anger would remain justified. Let me explain. In all situations, not just this one, it's crucial to think about intention versus impact. I learned this in therapy! Someone's intention behind an action isn't what matters most. Instead, it's about how that action impacts another person. In my situation, it doesn't matter what he thought he was doing; it matters that his actions made me uncomfortable. I want you to remember this the next time you invalidate your own reactions or feelings as "irrational."
I'm angry that this man thought he had the right to stop me in the street and it makes me furious that he thought he could redeem himself by complimenting my dogs once I reacted negatively. Leave them out of this! From an outsider's perception, I understand why someone might disagree with me or think I'm overreacting. Why let something so small ruin my entire day, right? I get how it might look to someone, but looks can be deceiving. If that someone understood that I've been stared, whistled, and honked at in public non-stop since I was 13, my reaction would make more sense. This is not a unique situation; this is something all women deal with constantly. We're products of a society that doesn't consider a woman's perspective, so I understand why some might question my rationale. I challenge those who do so to start considering why women feel the way they do instead of looking for reasons to disprove or invalidate them. You might be able to learn a thing or two…
The main problem is that I can't even go on a walk around the block without being harassed. Nothing is being done about it and I still feel the need to explain myself for being pissed the fuck off. I even edited out most curse words in case anyone in law school admissions reads this in an attempt to seem more professional and less unhinged. Isn't it funny that, in a post meant to normalize expressions of women's anger, I'm still watering down my rage? Fuck it, fuck that. I'm rightfully pissed the hell off and have every right to scream it from the rooftops - curse words and all.
When I got home from this terrible walk, the door hadn't even shut before I started wailing and screaming. I was throwing a fit similar to a toddler, the only difference being that toddlers cry during nap time - I was crying about the inability to exist without being objectified and sexualized. I slid down to the floor and sobbed into my knees, screaming "I can't even go on a walk without being harassed." Yea… you could say I was pretty mad.
It feels really damn good to air my anger out without fear of how it may be perceived. You should try it!